From July to September of 2004, I (the webmaster of this weird website) ran commentary on Big Brother 5. Here it is.
22 September 2004
Drew won Big Broth--OMG JASON FROM BB3 WAS THERE! HEART... MELTING... OH BABY--ummm... I mean... yeah. So anyway, Marvin SO needs to get over his issues, and Jase you suck so much but oh I guess I must be JEALOUS of you for dissing you because well... you're such a god.
BLECHACHACHAHCHHH. You guys are only slightly less disturbing than Colin & Christy.
Let's just say I'm okay with who won. Really. Just glad it wasn't those two blond bimboheads.
And that's all my Big Brother Babble for this summer. :) Signing off now...!
20 September 2004
So I guess I've been slacking on my babble. To show you how truly sorry I am, I'm going to post pictures this time. I can't promise they won't be thoroughly frightening, though...
The finale airs tomorrow. I can't believe two of the horsemen are sitting in the final two. All my faith in humanity is SO gone. But here they are, your BB finalists, Drew and Michael, aka Cowboy...
Anyway, lots has happened in the past few weeks, including a 411 on the first five people to be booted. (Newsflash, CBS: WE DON'T CARE. Lori was okay, but Mike was a Bush-loving creep, Jase and Scott were Satan's spawns, and Holly was... well, Holly.) OMG photo time.
Jase is making a sign resembling a gun pointed as his head. Wonder what that's about. Meanwhile, this picture doesn't really show it, but he was definitely wearing eye makeup. Word has it he went on Big Brother so he could possibly further his practically nonexistent showbiz career.
Jase, I hate to break it to you, but you'll never get any work in Hollywood when... well... JAKE BUSEY ALREADY EXISTS. (See Jake Busey Photos.) And nobody is going to take you seriously when you're dating that.
Meanwhile, catfights in the sequester house, mrrrow! What a feisty bunch this year!
31 August 2004
Hi, my name is Molly and I'm going to rant about Big Brother now.
Every year I like a certain houseguest and then they get treated like crap and I end up hating everyone else on the show until the dang thing ends. Last year it was Jack. This year it is Adria. Oh, I know, she's pushy, she likes to confuse people, and she might even be evil. But I like her anyway. I USED to like Nakomis, but NO LONGER. Karen's wishy-washy, Drew's a putz, Diane's a twisted little liar, and Marvin's a meanie. And cowboy... well you know how I feel about him.
MAN I love this show.
Who will win, and should I care? Post your thoughts if you have them.
24 August 2004
Okay, I'm caught up. Adria & Natalie were up on the block, thanks to some very fourth-grade reasoning from Nakomis... I mean yes, putting them both up there was a killer decision, but really... "You broke the pinky swear!" Gawd. Grow up. So then Adria won POV and took herself off. Cowdork is up, and we'll see what happens there. My money's on Mr. Cow though... adios to Natalie, most likely. Oh well.
Is anyone else as annoyed with Karen as I am? Sheesh. Codfish & a half. Reverend Ford revisited: "I never take sides in these matters." Something like that. Is this making any sense? Did I mention I'm tired? TIRED OF IT ALL. Woe.
Oh, before I go, I would also like to mention that Will & Marvin's constant whining about being targeted because they're minorities was completely annoying. Like, I feel their pain, but Will, Adria didn't nominate you BECAUSE you were gay. It was strategy. It's like what, was no one ever supposed to nominate you? Ever? Did you think you were entitled to some sort of Minority Immunity? In this game, it's all fair. And nobody gives a damn about the color of your skin or whether you want to take a man or a woman to bed with you. So please stop whining about the unfairness of it all. Well, you can whine, but don't whine any more loudly than anyone else -- they'll all get put up on the nomination block eventually, too.
Possible dialogue if this trend keeps up:
Karen: No fair, I was nominated just because I'm a woman and they're all sexist.
Drew: Aw, I was just nominated cuz I'm a guy and guys are outnumbered in this house.
Cowboy: I believe I was nominated because I'm from the South and people discriminate people from the South.
Diane: They just don't like me because I'm tan. They're prejudice against tan people!
Adria: I was targeted because I'm a twin. Not fair.
Natalie: Same here. Oh wait, I can't say the same thing as you. Um... they hate my butt!
Nakomis: I've been nominated because I have tattoos. They're anti-tattoo!
Worst-case scenarios. Let's hope.
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23 August 2004
I'm busy getting caught up with Big Brother episodes; I just watched the August 12th episode, the one where Jase got the boot (yay!). Holly showed up... blech. Jay-ase, I like totally like you omg! Shut up, Holly.
Watching the August 14th episode. Why isn't Cowboy gone yet???
Will and Marvin up for eviction... actually, I've heard who goes already so it won't be a shock but seriously... WHY NOT NOMINATE COWBOY? Blah. More later...
8 August 2004
It's been a crazy week, but I'm glad things are starting to go well. The four monkeymen are no longer in power... and not only are they not in power, but one -- Scott -- is completely gone. YES! I was shocked by how nice, normal, and apologetic he acted in his interview with Julie. I can almost forgive him for that hideous costume he wore at the POV ceremony. Now Jase, on the other hand, is one brick shy of a brick. He is just completely INSANE. Barnyard animal noises, anyone? I think he is a danger to himself and others.
Who I'm rooting for...
1) Nakomis. I really like her. She's smart, and interesting, and not a pushover. She may be the youngest player, but she's one of the smartest players.
2) Will. What a cutie. If he wasn't gay, I'd... dammit! Hrm. Note how cutely he dresses up for eviction ceremonies. What a sweetie. Okay, so he's been Benedict Arnoldy at times, but whatever.
3) Diane. 9 hours in that endurance competition earned her a lot of respect.
4) Adria or Natalie. I've always liked them.
5 August 2004
Well, tonight's the night. Either the evil Scott, or the so-so Marvin will depart from the house... and Natalie and Adria will be in it together. Get ready for the fireworks to begin!
29 July 2004
Holly is a total moron. Poor Julie Chen... that interview she had to conduct on that psyscho bimbo must have been torturous.
GOOD RIDDANCE, HOLLY!
In order to be saved, Adria supposedly made a pact with the four crapsmen. Will she stick to it? If & when her sister enters the house, how will things play out? I'm so excited, it's scary.
27 July 2004
I love this show! Well, when it ended I hated it but then during the Amazing Race they showed the most awesome promo and... well... let me back up a bit...
First off, PLEASE Marvin, PLEASE tell me you're smart enough not to go with the four boneheadsmen! PLEASE, for the love of turtles! Meanwhile, Drew I'm begging you, VOTE OUT HOLLY. Don't be an idiot!!
In short... 2 good things that could happen:
1) Marvin votes with Nakomis, Karen, Will, and Diane, to vote off Holly.
2) Marvin votes with the Shitheads, but Drew makes the deciding vote to vote off Holly.
Worst case scenario: Adria goes this week. But according to the promo, if Adria goes, Natalie moves in! This won't get their team ahead at all but it will give them a second chance to win HoH. But if they can pull of an upset, kick out Holly, hold out for ONE MORE WEEK, then Natalie & Adria will be in and the game will ROCK MY SOCKS!!!!!!
23 July 2004
I hate this show! Why does everything go wrong?? First they kick off Lori, who I liked. Now one of the Four Donkeymen is head of household?! And the justice is where?? Gawd! I would have sooo liked to have seen Marvin putt Scott up on the block when he had the chance, after the veto. But did he have the guts to do that? No. He's a putz and a half and I DO hope he's next, so ha. No wait, I mean next AFTER Jase, Scott, and Michael. Get in line, man.
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20 July 2004
Today I have some personal messages for the Houseguests.
S&J: I'm sorry, Scott, but I must kill you. Jase too. Maybe I can take you both out together, kinda like a two-for-one deal. You both make me unbelievably sick. You think you're so powerful? Children, there is more power in my wind-up Woodstock bird than there is in both of your pathetic selves put together. Get clues.
Holly: Like, your, like, cats, like, are, like, probably, like, watching, like, this, like, show, like, right, like, now, like, and, like, coughing, like, up, like, a, like, hairball, like.
Nikomis: Stop trying to be Brittany/George and just pick a hair color and stick with it!
Drew: Yes you are hot. You are, however, less hot than Jason and Hardy, so don't let your head swell up too big.
Michael: Oh, Michael, Michael, Michael. When you sit like you do, with your neck out horizontal-like and your head about three feet away from your body, you look just like a flamingo. Michael the flamingo. Please stop, I'm going to have to buy a widescreen TV if this keeps up.
Marvin: ...
Karen, Lori, Diane, and Adria: I still <3 you all. I'm sad one of you must go.
Will: Stop looking so sad, baby, they'll all suffer horrible deaths soon at the hands of Julie Chen, don't you worry.
18 July 2004
The show's been on the air for almost two weeks, and this is my first post! Shocking, I know! Luckily, I have lots to say. First off, I hate these houseguests! Okay, not all of them... but can you believe I actually loathe Scott & Jase MORE than I loathed Jee, Robert, and Justin? Astounding but true. Well, okay, maybe not more than Jee, but... My main problem with S&J is that they are alpha males, preening peacocks, jerks on a stick. I can't even separate them in my mind, really, because to me they're so similar. Jase is the blond, Scott's the brunet. They're both asses. La la la.
Anyone notice the absense of a really bitchy female this year? No Chiara, Dana, or Nicoles in this bunch. Diane is kind of a little moody sometimes, but she's no Chiara. Anyway, here are my thoughts on everyone.
HOLLY - I'm pretty sure she's faking the ditziness, because sometimes she lets her guard down and forgets to act ditzy. Why does she act so ditzy in the diary room, though? Oh, maybe she's afraid they'll let the expelled houseguests watch the show this year. On the whole though, I like her. She's funny, in a Marcellas kind of way.
WILL - You're cute. And I'm sorry they gave you a hard time about throwing the chicken in the Bad Egg basket. Sorry they made you cry. But I am also mad at you for going right to the Four Dorksmen and telling them that the girls were starting an alliance. You Benedict Arnold head, you.
DIANE - I like her. She's also funny, in a more sarcastic kind of way. Hope she stays awhile.
ADRIA - I also like her. Personality wise, she seems like the kind of person that I'd most like to see win this thing. Seems like a good person and hasn't annoyed me yet.
SCOTT - You may go to hell
JASE - You too
MARVIN - If you let the Four Creepsmen order you around the whole time you're HoH, you'll lose every ounce of respect I ever had for you.
DREW - You are sooo hot, WHY are you part of the Four Dopesmen???
NIKOMIS - I keep going back and forth on this one. She's interesting. She is different, but I like that. I'm sure Big Brother only chose her because of the long lost brother/sister thing, but so what? I really liked the way she didn't just give in to Michael's orders. She earned lots of respect right there.
MICHAEL - OMG you are a loser. S&J are just playing you, GET A CLUE!
LORI - Why do you look like Lisa from BB3? It creeps me out.
KAREN - No problems with her so far.
Okay, that's it for now. What, were you expecting deep thoughts? Forget it! :)
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(c)2004 AlligatorJuice.com. All opinions expressed on this page belong to AJ's webmaster and don't necessarily reflect the opinions of anyone else, including but not limited to Jason from Big Brother 3, who I still personally would like to snag. But anyway...