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It all started last week. No, wait. Actually, it all started in 1995. That was the year I first caught glimpse of Bruce Campbell. I found him to be particularly attractive, suave, and funny. From that year forth, I kept an eye on his career. Last week, I got an IM from Andrea telling me that Bruce was on the Don & Mike show. She linked me, I listened, I loved. We learned Mr. Campbell was on tour this summer to promote his new book, Make Love! The Bruce Campbell Way. After a quick glance at his website, I discovered he would be in my hometown in exactly one week. |
Had to.
I began to devise a plan.
Sometimes I am compelled to do these kinds of things, othertimes not. Let's just say this: in that week between hearing about the event and actually going, I had two dreams about him that I actually remember.
That sealed it.
I found out that he'd be doing the signing at the Hollywood theater. Afterwards, there'd be a showing of his new film. Out of respect for non-Portlanders, let me explain one of Portland's many pieces of weirdness. We've got this whole district in our city called Hollywood. It was named after the theater. The theater was named after the place in California. This all happened a long time ago. The theater is very old. Like all old buildings, it may be haunted. With me so far? Okay, good.
The theater's website said something about ticketholders getting seating priority. I assumed that meant they were only letting, say, 400 people in the theater -- or as many people as there were seats. So I wanted to get there a little early. I've arrived at other signings an hour early, and have done pretty well. However, what with traffic and all that, I arrived at this theater at 5:30... just half an hour before the event was set to begin.
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Five hundred people already had the exact same idea. They were already there. I won't discuss the line ordeal in length. Let's just say I sat in one for two hours. Occasionally it moved. Early on, I was able to purchase a copy of Bruce's new book, so I read a couple chapters of that while in line. It's quite the fun read. Needless to say, Bruce Campbell rocks my line-waiting world. So with each purchase of a book, we got a ticket with a number on it. After two hours of waiting, my number was called, and I was allowed to enter the actual theater. Bruce was sitting at a table on this stage thing at the front, illuminated by a couple of stage lights. He wore a blue shirt and his hair was longish. Hotness on a stick, my friends. On a stick. |  |
While waiting for my turn, I considered what I could possibly say to him, but everything I thought of sounded pretty damn stupid. "Hey, Bruce, I loved you on Lois & Clark!" (Or, hi, Bruce, I liked that thing you did ten years ago, remember that do ya huh huh?) or "I love you!" (Yeah, like he hadn't heard that 400 times already that evening.) I'm not good with small talk. I always hate myself for whatever I've said, afterwards. I told Dean Cain his dog was cute. I told Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson I was happy they'd written a Peter Pan prequel because I <3 Peter Pan. They probably thought I was oddness personified. I told Patricia Reilly Giff that I had loved her Polk Street Kids books when I was a kid, and she seemed happy and said she'd had fun writing them, but I still felt like a dork. I don't remember saying anything to Meg Cabot. "Thank you," perhaps. So really, I was prepared to sort of just smile at Bruce and maybe giggle nervously, because I am extremely wont to giggle nervously whenever meeting new people.
Except...
The man wanted to talk.
I love him more with each passing moment.
Here's how our conversation went:
Me: "Hi!" *giggles*
Bruce: "Hey, Molly, what's going on?"
Me: *laughs* "Nothin."
Bruce: "What are you doing this summer?"
(Let me break for a moment and give you a little bit of info. about me. That question? I get asked it ALL THE TIME. I work at a school, which means I get something of a summer break. So every year, people ask me what I'm going to be doing. This year, if it was somebody I liked, I told them about California and Canada. If it was someone I didn't really want to start a whole discussion with, I told them "I'm assisting at summer school," since that did not require much explanation. Mostly, though, I hate the question and want to kill whoever's asking it. Bruce asking it? I wanted to melt into a big pile of happiness.)
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Me: "Oh, doing some traveling... California, Canada...." Bruce: "California! Which part of California?" Me: "L.A." Bruce: "Why!?" (as in, are you insane, why would you want to THERE?) Me: "Some of my friends and I want to go down there and do the whole L.A./Hollywood thing." Bruce: "Have you ever been there before?" Me: "Yeah." Bruce: *Begins to go on about the suckiness of L.A.* So he signed my book ("Hey Molly!" *indecipherable signature*) "Well, have fun!" Me: "Thanks!" | 
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The biggest shock? I was not the biggest geek there. I am not sure, however, whether I want to call that a good thing or a bad thing. Guy with Superman shirt? Check. If it had been an actual L&C shirt, I might have proposed on the spot, but he could have just been one of those Superman trend whores who had no idea Bruce was on L&C... and then the marriage would have had to have been annulled -- and what a hassle. Girl who looked like she possibly ran the Bruce Campbell Is A Love God Website? Check. Armed with 8x10 photos, even. I'm going to be watching me some Campbell tonight. Now that I've got a signed copy of his book, a ticket with his picture on it, and a mind full of happy Bruce-meeting memories, I'm in a good mood. Click here to see a photo of some girl holding her autographed copy of Make Love! The Bruce Campbell Way. Click here to see a funny comic depicting the events of the Portland signing, plus a link to a transcript of Bruce's Portland Q&A session, from the website CulturePulp.com. Or just buy the book! |
Created: 7/2/2005
Last Updated: 7/15/05
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