|  If you came here hoping for pics of hot lifeguards and hunky surfers, you might as well turn back now. --- Growing up in Oregon, the beach meant something to me... something a lot different from the California beaches depicted in 60's movies and Beach Boys songs. Down there, if you can believe the hype, the weather is always sunny and the water is warm and there are gorgeous people galore. Oh hey, sure, I read that Baby-Sitters Club book California Girls when I was growing up... you know, the one where Mallory dyes her hair blonde but then realizes she looks ridiculous and goes back to red, but not before draining her entire life savings... the low point of the story being when she doesn't have enough money to get into Universal Studios and has to mooch off Jessi... so sad... what was my point, here? Oh yeah, that California and Oregon are different. Not the same. Okay then. So here's a little info. about Oregon beaches and some of the things you can find here. You know, just in case you're ever in California one day, admiring the surfers, and spontaneously decide you'd rather be watching cheese being processed (see below) and decide to hop on Highway 101 and get your butt up here. When that happens -- and you know it will -- you'll be glad you read this. --- Okay, so if you're actually coming up from California, you're going to first hit a lot of beaches that I'm not going to talk about in great detail. There's Coos Bay and Newport and Lincoln City and, while I have been to all those places, I don't have much to say about them... except to mention that Keiko, that whale from Free Willy, used to live in Newport... he had a beach house... and once I went to visit him... because he was associated with a movie co-starring one of my favorite actors... and I thought that next to meeting said actor, seeing the whale would be the next best thing. It wasn't, but oh well. Not long after you pass Newport, you'll come to Tillamook. Tillamook, in case you didn't already know, is famous for one thing:  There's cheddar, and plenty of it, at the Tillamook Cheese Factory. You can take tours of the factory and watch the cheese being packaged...  ...you can try samples, and you can buy lots and lots of delicious dairy products, assuming you're not tragically allergic... as some of us happen to be. Now, would you believe this place actually gets 1 million visitors a year? Insane! But you must understand, this is arguably the most exciting attraction between Newport and Cannon Beach. Ah, Cannon Beach... home of Haystack Rock, backdrop used in The Goonies. Home of Ecola State Park, where certain Goonies scenes were filmed. In case I haven't made it totally obvious, this really is sacred ground. Next on the "You Should Care" list comes Seaside, although there are a few other things of interest along the route, including a gigantic letter G that rests on the side of a hill. It's one of those stupid things that you always want to make sure you look for when you're driving that way, if only because there is NOTHING ELSE TO FRIGGIN SEE. The G stands for Garibaldi. So anyway, Seaside is one of those insanely touristy coastal towns. You can tell this because they have a putt-putt golf course. Seaside boasts a big statue of Lewis and Clark because they're sure that's where the two explorer guys found the ocean. Although if you go to Washington State -- orrrr pretty much anywhere else along the Oregon coast -- they're likely to claim the same thing. The only way this will ever get resolved is if Lewis and Clark come back from the dead and set the record straight. And I'm really hoping they do not do that because ew, gross.  After Seaside comes Astoria, the coolest place of all, if only because... well, duh. Yes, folks, The Goonies was filmed here, and if you take a stroll through town one day and then go home and watch the film (namely the beginning, during the police chase) the next, you will be saying to yourself: "Whoa." You might even get so excited about it that you'll spill a milkshake on yourself. Or fall in a barrel. Or something. Thegoonies.org will give you directions to all the places you need to go to have the full Goonie experience, but if you're coming from the south, some of the first landmarks you'll come to are the Flavel House and the County Jailhouse.    Both of these can be seen at the beginning of the film. Very exciting. But perhaps the most stellar of all is the GOONIE HOUSE!  This is where Mikey & Brand lived omg! Yeah it's been drastically altered since 1984/1985 but so? SO?? Wholey friggin muttons, it's the Goonie House. Oh, and right next door...  Data's house! Oh, yes. The gravel driveway is totally open to the public -- on foot -- and when you're coming back down the driveway, why, it's the exact route Mikey, Data, Mouth, and Chunk took on their bikes to go start on their adventure! ::Moment of silence:: There are other things to see in Astoria, too, including the football field where Andie directed cheerleading moves, as well as the school that was used in the film Kindergarten Cop. And then, for the true tourists, there's the Astor Column...  The observation tower lets you get a view from 125 feet in the air, and there are no elevators to get to the top... it's spiral stairs all the way. Anyone with a fear of heights -- or plunging down 164 metal steps head-first -- need not apply. But it's got one spectacular view! Now, if you drive north from Astoria, you will most certainly plummet into a large body of water. This is because there just isn't any more Oregon after Astoria. So sad. But if you don't want to go for a swim, you can take the land bridge (seen in the lovely picture five or six photos up) to the state of Washington and hit Long Beach. I like Long Beach. Here is why:  Well, no, not just because of Skee Ball, although damn I love that game. Long Beach is home to an arcade, a miniature amusement... uh, parking lot, and something called Marsh's Free Museum. The "museum," which is sort of mostly just a big store, houses a ton of those old midway games... we're talking things that date back to Coney Island's heyday. Music boxes, fortune tellers, the Strongman, all that. One must be sure to check out Jake the Alligator Man, who is three parts creepy, one part oddly cool. --- So I hope this article has armed you with enough information for you to use if you decide to come to Oregon someday and check out our beaches. And you totally should come! You might even see Bambi!  Or, if you're REALLY insane, you can go for a swim in our beautiful below-60-degree water!  I... wouldn't recommend that. Leave a message in the guestbook to comment on this article. :) (c)2004 AlligatorJuice.com. And no, Keiko didn't really have a beach house. |