It's time for a story I like to call: Why Water Parks Rock My World. It goes a little something like this... Once upon a time there was a girl who detested roller coasters because of their speed and craziness, but thought kiddie rides were boring as hell. When faced with an amusement park situation, she would often spend her time on the Big Slide and in the fun and haunted houses, but she soon grew tired of them. She began to think there was no real place for her in the world of amusement parks, and so she... she... she stopped this stupid story and got on with the article already. Water parks. Love 'em. Hey. The following is my ode to water parks and the various "rides" contained within. I can hardly call myself an expert, as I've only ever been to two genuine water parks in my life (a total of five times)... and a handful of amusement parks that happened to have a small collection of aqua attractions. But... um... I have pictures! Yeah. So here we go. Wave pools seem to be the staple of water parks. Fun for young and old, they can be pools of fun... or pools of evil. At WaterWorld in Colorado, there are two such pools. One gives off a series of small waves. The other just does one wave, but it's huge. When the wave machine isn't running, wave pools just act like one big swimming pool. There are no lines to wait in, but your chances of suffering minor injury (or losing your sunglasses) are pretty high. You can brave the pools sans a floaty device, or you can sit in an inner tube and go flying over the other swimmers, unintentionally whacking people on the head. At Wild Waves (now Six Flags) in Federal Way, Washington, they used to (and maybe they still do) let you take air mattresses into the wave pool. Having one of those land on top of you after a wave spree is the kiss of certain death. Enjoy! Tubin' slides are definitely objects of awesomeness. Though you usually have to carry your tube with you to the top, the ride down makes it worth it. There are crazy twists and turns along the way, ending with a big spash at the end. Water fun houses come in many varieties, but they usually consist of a series of platforms, net ropes, stairs, and slides... just like a playground at city park... except with tons and tons of water shooting at you from all directions!! You might find water guns, targets, cause-and-effect games, sprinklers, and other watery gags. At Six Flags Elitch Gardens, there's even a pirate ship for kids to climb and explore. A river ride is basically just like a tubin' slide except that your tube is bigger and you ride in pairs or groups. At WaterWorld, several river rides have themes, ie dinosaurs or storm. You might ride through darkness and be greeted by an animatronic T-Rex, for example. Can't go wrong there. I guess it's only fair to mention speed slides, although I do not personally like them. These slides are often steep and -- duh -- fast. So fast, in fact, that you may be at the bottom in just a couple of seconds. For thrill-seekers, it just might be worth it. But I like to avoid. Or maybe I'm still traumatized from the time I was 11 and went down one and lost half of my bathing suit. Who knows? Some are straight, some have hills; some are open, some are tubey. And they all scare the $@&# out of me. Lazy Rivers are notable in that there are no lines. Well, you do have to wait for a tube, unless you're at a park where you can rent one... but basically all you do is plop your tube into the water, climb aboard, and ride it around and around and around this loop-of-a-river. Jets of water form a kind of a current that pushes you along. Occasionally you might bump into another person's tube, but otherwise the Lazy River is a river of bliss. Ah, the toilet bowl. From great heights, you begin your descent down a slide. You wind up in a giant, bowl-shaped funnel. Around and around you go until you finally go down a hole and into a pool. You look pretty ridiculous doing it, but dammit, I admire anyone who has the guts to attempt it. I sure don't. What have I forgotten? Oh, so many things. Some water parks may have rides where you can body surf. I've seen zip lines. I've seen kiddie rapids, river-rapid-slide combos, non-tube (slow) slides, and so much more. WATER EVERYWHERE OMG! For more water park fun, visit: Travel Channel's Best Water Parks in America WaterWorld 3/11/05 Back to Life Back to Main Leave a message in the guestbook to comment on this article. :) Special thanks to Andrea G. :) (c)2005 AlligatorJuice.com.