It's the all-star edition of the hit reality series Big Smother, and infamous contestants from years past have returned this year to compete for 1 million dollars. You can bet things are going to get nasty, especially since we're inviting back some of the most confrontational people to ever appear on the show. As for the contestants... well, we thought long and hard about who to invite back, and in the end we settled on... Channon, from Big Smother 2. You may remember her as the woman who used Marty's toothbrush to clean the toilet. Bill, Big Smother 2's winner. The evil, sinister player who enjoyed screwing people over. Lana, from Big Smother 4. She had all the appeal of a buzzard or something. Yeah we don't remember either. Piara, from Big Smother 3. You may remember her as the woman who dated Toddy. Wee, the ex-boyfriend of Lun from Big Smother 4. He was part of the "Dream Team," along with... Bobert, the ex-boyfriend of Merica. Toddy, of Big Smother 3. You know him as the guy who dated Piara. And, finally, Rosh, from Big Smother 3. He never wore shirts and he thought he was hot. Who can forget? Day 1: The houseguests arrive at the Big Smother house. Before entering, they pose for the obligatory cast picture: (Back Row, l-r: Channon, Bill, Bobert, Lana, Piara; Front Row, l-r: Wee, Rosh, Toddy.) The houseguests are set free to go explore the house. They discover a spiffy house with three bedrooms (plus the Head of Household bedroom) and one bathroom. Outside, there is a pool and a hottub. Cameras are everywhere... but these guys don't mind. They've been through all this before. Somehow Piara ends up in a closet. Before long, it is time for the first reward competition. If they win, they can have access to the bathroom. If not, well... okay, kidding. Actually, this one was a Head of Household competition. The houseguests must get into the pool and tread water. No touching the bottom or the sides. The last person in the pool alive wins. And so it begins... In typical Big Smother fashion, when contestants are eliminated from endurance competitions they will often return to the scene with a plate of delicious food, in order to taunt the other players... In the end, Wee emerges the victor. To say he is proud of himself would be an understatement. Day 3: After a reward challenge, the houseguests win a Karaoke stage. Wee begins to sing... The others give him their unbiased opinion... Day 4: The game begins to heat up as the houseguests start talking trash about each other, starting rumors, and forming alliances... Day 6: Problems ensue when the one-bathroom thing becomes too much to handle... Day 7: "I just can't stand these people. They're always staring at me while I'm in the bathtub, and that Wee guy, he eats my food. He distracts me, and then he eats my food. I'm not kidding! You guys have cameras, look for yourself!" "Hey, I didn't eat nothin. But this is just a game. I don't like Lana, she's mean. And Piara's always pushing me around. But at least this is just a game, you know? It could be worse. This could be a non-game and then I'd just be a regular old dork instead of a dork who's on national TV. "So yeah, I think I've got this game in the bag. I know it's only day seven but I'm gonna win. I can just feel it. Oh... that Bobert guy is so weird, he's always sniffing around in my stuff. I think he thinks I steal his food. I think he thinks everybody steals his food." Later, on Day 7... A mysterious package arrives in the Diary Room. It's a picture of a clown. The houseguests hang it up. Immediately thereafter, Wee dies. Day 8: Due to this unfortunate incident, the Big Smother Powers That Be decided that -- since Wee was on the chopping block anyway -- no one will be evicted this week -- you know, in the usual manner. But later that same day, Toddy starts a fire... ...and despite a valiant effort on Bobert's part, the fire can not be put out. The folks in the Big Brother control room have all either taken their coffee breaks or fallen asleep, so no one else knows about it until it's too late. Yeah, so they all died. The end. Leave a message in the guestbook to comment on this article. :) (c)2004 AlligatorJuice.com