Well, I would, if not for the fact that this version -- the one I'm about to talk about, and I swear I'm getting to that -- stars Keshia Knight Pulliam (Rudy Huxtable)!
She wins. It wins.
I can't say the same for her Pollyanna remake, so I'm just going to have to vow never to review that one.
Okay, so this movie's about a girl named Karen, circa age 10. She's desperate to prove to her mom (and to herself) that she can be her own boss. She doesn't want her older sister babysitting her anymore. But Mom insists that Karen go with older sis after school, so Karen reluctantly accompanies her to the stables where she (sis) has her equestrian club.
Karen's supposed to be doing her homework, but those horses look like so much fun. The next thing we know, Karen has lied her way onto a horse and is riding it around the paddock when OH CRAP!! she's never ridden a horse before and the horse is out of control and it's gone insane and is taking her into the dark forest and...
Karen falls off the horse.
The next thing she knows, Karen's being greeted by one delicious knight, whose strange manner of speaking confuses hip, 1980s-bred Karen. This knight, Lancelot, takes Karen back to Camelot, and she impresses (or rather, viciously frightens) Arthur and Guenivere and the rest of the court with her "magic" Polaroid camera. She's also got a walkman with her, which she uses to teach Guenivere and her ladies-in-waiting how to exercise (the 80's way!) later on.
But things aren't all swell. The wizard, Merlin, thinks Karen is evil, and begins plotting her demise. Arthur's evil sister, Morgana, is also one to beware of, as is her creepy son, Mordred.
Ohhh, Mordred. Mordred, Mordred, Mordred.... I don't know how, but the casting directors somehow managed to find an actor with the pointiest face, the slickest voice, and the ability to convey the most despicable mannerisms... in other words, they made a great casting choice. You know five seconds after meeting Mordred that he's either the devil, or some sort of minion. He just totally rocks.
Anyway, so Karen befriends the king and queen, has many adventures, learns how to shoot an arrow, is almost killed a couple of times... and when Mordred, Merlin, and Morgana try to take over, Karen exhibits heroism. She teaches the people of Camelot about the importance of toothbrushes, exercising, gender equality, and kindness to animals. She helps Clarence, a lowly page, become more than just a page by teaching him about mirrors, hot air balloons, and bicycles.
Oh, and she goes by the name Sir Boss.
And that's really what the whole movie is about -- it's about a girl who wanted to be independent, but really wasn't ready, before... but who, over the course of a crazy adventure, really does become more mature.
But it's all a dream... or is it? All I know is, in the end, Karen wakes up in the forest, having apparently just fallen off that horse. So was it all in her mind? Or did something more fantastic happen?
We'll never know...
This movie is actually available on video. Try ebay or amazon marketplace if you're interested, but be sure you get the 1989 version and not one of the many others.
