So this version of Heidi clocks in at a whopping 193 minutes of good, old-fashioned, Swiss-girl fun. Heidi is a little orphan girl whose parents kicked it thanks to a falling tree, not long after Heidi's dad exchanged some not-so-nice parting words with his father, played by Jason Robards, who from this point forward will be known as Grandfather.
Parental units are dead, and Grandfather doesn't want Heidi, so she is raised by some other people, namely this chic who freaks me out. I can't remember her name, so I'll just call her CWFMO. She raises Heidi until she gets this awesome job, a job that won't let her bring along a kid. So she marches Heidi's butt back up that big mountain to the very top, and leaves her with Grandfather, who is like DAUUGHH GET AWAY, CHILDREN ARE EVIL.
But eventually Heidi warms (and wins) his heart, because that's how it should be done.
After a few weeks or months of alpine bliss, during which Heidi befriends Peter the Shepherd (at least that's what he calls himself, we all know his rightful last name is TheGoatboy) and Peter's grandmother, this poor old blind lady, the inevitable happens -- CWFMO returns... to take Heidi away. Long story short, this guy in the city needs a little girl to be a companion for his daughter, Klara, and he's willing to pay big bucks to anyone who can find a girl well-suited for the job. CWFMO gets dollar signs in her eyes, and that's why she goes to collect Heidi. Heidi's all "nooo, I want Grandfather," but Grandfather, whose heart still holds so much pain, believes CWFMO when she tells him he's not a very good guardian for Heidi because he's old and cranky and stuff. And CWFMO tells Heidi that if she doesn't like living in the city, she can come back after a week. Believing these lies, Heidi goes.
In the city, Heidi is now living with Klara, a little wheelchair-bound girl, a butler, and Fräulein Rottenmeier, the headmistress chic of the household. Klara is the most co-dependent little thing I have ever seen in a made-for-TV-movie. The second Heidi arrives, she latches onto her (figuratively speaking), talking about how they are bound to be best friends forever and ever and how much fun they will have in their coming lifetime. Heidi's all WHAT, I'm only staying a week! And what does Klara do when she hears this? Goes into a panic attack, starts wheezing, and has to be given an inhaler and it's pretty darn scary.
Heidi's instructed never to upset Klara again. So she slowly warms up to Klara... but oh, she misses her home (with Grandfather) and can't stop thinking about those beautiful mountains. A week goes by, and she realizes CWFMO is a big fat liar. Months pass. Heidi and Klara are tutored together, and Heidi learns to read.
Then one night, the front door? Just starts opening by itself. Everyone in the house is freaked, convinced a ghost or a robber is in their midst. Then the next night, it happens again. Just pops on open! Woooeeee. Soon all the adults in the house are involved in a late-night stakeout, and they soon discover the culprit of the nefarious door-opening shenanigans is none other than... Heidi! That girl's been sleepwalking!
The local doctor determines that Heidi is sleepwalking because she's stressed, and she's stressed because she's so homesick. She is becoming frail, and the doctor worries that if Heidi doesn't get back to those mountains soon, she will only get worse. Ignoring Heidi's health, Klara refuses to let Heidi go. Heidi worsens. Finally, Klara stops being selfish (sort of) and tells Heidi she can go back to the mountains for one month. In fact, they shall all go!
Heidi is upset that she can't go back to the mountains forever, but she figures a month is better than nothing. They all (and I mean Fräulein Rottenmeier, Klara, everyone) go tromping up the mountain and Heidi is reunited with Grandfather. While there, Peter TheGoatboy is jealous of Klara and Heidi's friendship, for what it's worth, and is so mad that at one point that he kicks Klara's (empty) wheelchair while it's parked outside the cabin, and it goes rolling down a hill and busts into a million pieces.
Oops.
When Klara discovers her smushed chair, she cries, because she's always crying, but never fear, Grandfather makes her a wagon thing, and she, Heidi, and Peter go off into the mountains for an afternoon of fun. But while up there, Heidi tries to explain to Klara that she needs to stay here in the mountains and Klara is all NO NO NO I HATE YOU WAHHHHH!! and then Peter yells at Klara and then says OH AND BY THE WAY I'M THE ONE WHO KILLED YOUR CHAIR! And Klara's all WHY WHY POOR ME and then Heidi goes storming off and then she slips and falls off a mountain and
Except not. Klara manages to kind of scoot over to where Peter is and then she sits and grabs onto Peter's legs, and he is able to help Heidi to safety, and then -- I guess a few hours pass, but then Klara learns to walk, because apparently she had the ability, she just didn't have the desire to, much like the little boy in The Secret Garden, a movie review for another time.
Meanwhile, Klara's dad comes to Grandfather's house, furious because nobody ever told him that oh hey, by the way, we're taking Klara up a really big mountain, and he's about to go apecrazy on everyone, until Klara shows him she can walk and then he's all happy and then he's like okay let's go home now, come on everyone, come on Heidi.
Annnnd we're back to square one.
Naturally, Heidi does not want to go, but Grandfather tells her to, because he knows she will have everything she could ever want in city, that Klara's family will provide for her and send her to the best schools.
So Heidi goes.
Are you seeing, now, why this is such a long movie? Back and forth, back and forth... omg just PICK A HOME ALREADY!!!
At the train station, Heidi looks at the train and is like no, I can't do this. She tells Klara she must go home to Grandfather, and this time Klara understands, though she is sad. And Heidi goes running back up to Grandfather's house and they embrace, and it's all good now because Heidi can read and she will teach Peter, and oh by the way... his grandmother... remember her...? Well there was this whole subplot involving her, but I won't go into that because it's sort of weird... and I think that's about it.
*dies*
193 minutes of Heidi can be a bit too much for anyone. Still, it's on DVD if you feel compelled to view it.
