TOO YOUNG TO BE A DAD
Starring: Kathy Baker, Paul Dano, Katie Stuart
Original Airdate: 2002
Type: Drama
Remember how disappointed I was when Mom At Sixteen proved to be too good to make fun of? I mean, it wasn't worthy of Golden Globes or anything, but it wasn't utterly painful either. The same can not be said of Too Young To Be A Dad.
Too Young is the story of a Honors freshman named Matt who shacks up with a classmate, Francesca, and gets her pregnant. When she announces she's going to have a baby, Matt decides to do the "right thing" and help her with the medical bills. He gets a job and works late hours so he can help out. His parents gush about how responsible he is. Francesca's dad tries to strongarm everyone into putting the baby up for adoption. At first, Matt goes along with this, but the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes he would like to keep the baby for himself. His parents are hesitant, but ultimately agree to help their son raise the baby.
I'm sure the filmmakers meant well, but this movie just reeks of After School Specialness. It's the kind of film we would have been forced to watch in ninth grade ourselves... or maybe the boys would have been made to watch it... so that they could learn: Hey, sex=babies, but if you knock up your girlfriend, be sure to take responsibility for the baby. Now, while I am totally FOR that advice, this movie is such a sham because Matt is like this perfect kid who gets stellar grades and is polite and responsible and hard-working. How can your average teenage boy be expected to relate to Matt? Then they have to go and make Matt's baby daughter be this cute little thing who never cries. Is this realistic? Hell no!
All right, so the whole "Perfect Matt decides to adopt Perfect Baby" plot is a little hard to swallow, but I won't criticize it too much... after all, it's good for fathers to be responsible and stuff so yeah. I'll go after the other stuff.
Funniest moment? The sex scene. It's hilarious. I kind of expected Tom Servo and Crow to pop up and start doing commentary at this point. Picture this, and keep in mind that these kids are fourteen...
Scene 1:
Francesca: "Are you a virgin?"
Matt: "WTF?"
Francesa: "You look like a virgin, haha that is so cute. I'm not. I've had sex before and are therefore more mature than you. Not that I'm trying to impress you. It wasn't that great because I didn't like the guy very much. I just wanted to be cool. I'm sure I'd like sex if I did it with a guy I liked. I like you, Matt. We should DO IT sometime wink wink nudge nudge."
Matt: "What is this 'sex' of which you speak?"
Francesa: "Someday I will show you. Like tomorrow."
Matt: "Cool. I'll wear my Sunday best."
Scene 2:
Francesa: "So my parents aren't home. Want to come over and do it with me?"
Matt: "Sure, we've only known each other for two scenes and have absolutely no chemistry whatsoever, but I'm game."
Francesa: "Here we are at my front door. Let's make out like there's no tomorrow."
*They make out*
Francesa: "Let's go upstairs. That is where the beds are."
*They go up two steps*
*Francesa whips around and they make out some more*
*They get to the top of the stairs*
*More kissing*
*Entering bedroom*
*Extreme kissing!!!1*
*Fade Out*
*Francesca and Matt are lying in a double bed with the sheets pulled up to their necks*
Matt: "Well, that was fun!"
In order to more vividly paint you a picture of how dumb this part of the movie is, let me ask you to picture something. Imagine your favorite romantic movie. Picture the most romantic scene. Now take the two lead actors out and replace them with clowns.
Oh wait, that's just scary.
Meanwhile, why is this movie called "Too Young To Be A Dad" if the teenage boy keeps the baby at the end, and is therefore saying Hi, I am NOT too young to be a dad?? If they'd stuck a question mark after "Dad" then I might understand, but... seriously, what the hell?
Then there's Bruce Davison, who I'm sure is a really great actor, but whenever I see him playing dads (as he does in this movie), he plays them like such a jerk. He makes me want to reach into the television and claw him. No, I don't have issues, what are you implying?
And then you've got Matt's mom's teaching assistant, who has a permanent smile on her face. "Oh, your teen son got his girlfriend pregnant?" *Smile* "All the other parents hate you?" *Smile* "You've got six months to live?" *Bigger Smile* DAUGH.
In all fairness, I did watch Too Young To Be A Dad while I was sick, so maybe that's why I'm coming down so hard on it. I don't know. And I do have to give credit to the kid who played Matt, he had a kind of Nick Zsigmond thing going on. But if I were you, I'd skip this and go for one of the many Teen Mom movies out there, like Mom At Sixteen, Our Son, The Matchmaker, or Fifteen and Pregnant. Any of those is better than this.
1/29/2006
(c)2006 AlligatorJuice.com
