DANGEROUS VEGETABLES RECALLED
by H. Duff

Frantic citizens. Hungry children. Mothers in tears. Lettuce and spinach have been taken captive by federal officials, who claim the once “good-for-you” leafy greens may contain the ebola virus or some other virus like that. This virus can make people sick or even die, so with that in mind, no salads will be tossed in our fair city tonight . . . or until further notice.

Warrenbrook resident Miranda Hodgspur is angry. “Why isn’t the government doing more to protect us? I’ll tell you. It’s because they’re in league with the farmers. They paid the farmers to put the virus all over the vegetables that we eat so that people will die and the population will decrease and they can buy our homes for pennies on the dollar and build casinos and shopping malls, that’s what!”

Meanwhile, local rabbits and bunnies are said to be seeking solace and dietary goodness in “old favorites” such as carrots and radishes.

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(c)2006 WNN