DENTURE THEFTS, OTHERS, LEAVE ELDERLY IRATE
by McGruff, T.C.D.

A string of recent robberies in the Westbridge neighborhood has put residents on the alert. In the past month, four homes have been burglarized. Items taken include wallets, tools, jewelry, Gameboy DS’s, and even dentures. It seems that these robbers have no remorse, nor any sympathy for any of their victims -- not even the elderly.

“Can’t chew anymore,” Doris Henderson told us. Her dentures were nabbed last week.

Doris’s husband, Herman, is irate. “Take my silver, take my gold,” he said, waving his cane in the air. “Take whatever you want, just don’t take my wife’s teeth! Why, if I ever catch who did this, I’ll knock their teeth from here to the moon!”

Just down the street, Igor Finch is mourning the loss of some “very special herbs” he had in his basement. When asked what kind of herbs were taken, Igor refused to answer. When asked how much the herbs were worth, Igor was evasive. When asked if his name was really Igor, he turned and fled.

Police have no leads. If you have any information on the robberies, and/or if you are the robber, please call the police immediately. The number is 9-1-1.

___
(c)2006 WNN